🔗 Share this article Navigating the Yearning for Spontaneous Intimacy While Seeking a Committed Partnership Being a gay man approaching 50, my life has involved numerous, mostly pleasurable years pursuing spontaneous encounters with other men from my teenage years. In my 30s, I had a committed partnership that lasted a significant period, however it never fully satisfied me, because I felt neither loved nor intimately fulfilled. Truthfully, my constant desire has been for uncommitted intimacy. Every time I start to date any man, once the newness dwindles, an impulse arises to have sex with other men once more. Questioning the Feasibility of Monogamy I am now wondering if I’ll ever be able to sustain a monogamous relationship. I understand that many gay men have open relationships, yet when I’ve witnessed them, they have seemed like hard work, frequently resulting in significant heartache and envy among all parties. To a large extent, I want another man to love me while letting me pursue other intimacies, however I dread to imagine the emotional drain this might create. Is it best to keep having casual sex and acknowledge that a lasting partnership is not possible? I feel somewhat confused. Every person’s intimate path fluctuates. Try not to think about what you require in partnerships or your ability to tolerate different types of sexual unions in a finite way. What you need as you are experiencing them now could easily shift down the road; eventually you may find yourself less ambivalent and discover some clarity and a comfortable path … or perhaps not. One day you might meet someone who provides a transformative opportunity for you by reflecting your desires in a holistic fashion … and later on you may choose that casual connections are best for you. Fretting over the future and engaging in endless speculation is merely anxiety-based and squandering of your efforts. Aim to stay present with your partners, and see the value of every individual you connect with intimately an intimate bond. If and when you are ever ready to deepen true intimacy with one partner, you will know. Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a American psychotherapist who specialises in addressing sexual disorders.